Today I got out of bed!

I will start by explaining my chemo treatment that was on Monday December 13th.  My mom and Sean went with me and my friend Kressy dropped by.  To say that it was an emotional few moments before the treatment started would be an understatement.  My blood pressure and heart rate were through the roof.  I had been "assigned" a "pod" for chemo, meaning in this large room there are 3 semi-groups of chemo chairs-pod 1, pod 2, and pod 3.  I will have the same infusion nurse each time, her name is Beth and she is really nice and I will always be in "pod"2.  I chose a chemo chair towards the back, so just in case I cried I wouldn't be front and center.  Sean and my mom were able to sit in regular chairs beside me.  We began things around 9:45 AM and ended around 1:00PM.

It was obvious to everyone that I was the young, new, scared girl.  Beth, the nurse informed me that they would be giving me Ativan, an anti-anxiety medication, via my portacath to help me calm down before the actual chemo started.  At this point I was quietly crying, and shaking with fear, so much for a brave front, huh. However, I managed to hold it together and did not have a complete snot faced crying emotional breakdown, yay goal #1 met!

The Ativan and some initial flushing of my portacath occurred first.  My portacath was still sore from the surgery and placement on the Thursday prior.  It really hurt as Beth was pushing around the site to locate the actual entry point, but once she located that the actual stick of the needle was not bad at all.  The portacath never hurt during the treatment either. 

So these first 4 cycles of chemo have 2 drugs involved, and one of them is a bright red thick consistancy and Beth has to sit next to me and "push" it in my portacath.  I have to eat ice chips or eat popsicles to keep my mouth cold in order to avoid mouth sores. I think you can see it in one of my videos, and then the 2nd drug just drips from an IV bag. But, as Beth sat there "pushing" this chemo into me, it was difficult and surreal to think this is my life right now.  I was trying to focus on the chemo as a "medicine and helping me" but with Beth sitting next to me and seeing this bright red thick substance pushed, it was undeniable that I was the "sick" person.  It was also difficult for me to see my mom and Sean feel so helpless.  I can't imagine what it must have felt like for either of them.  I redirected my attention with the help of some guided imagery and Sean's excellent job at massaging my shins. 

There was a lovely middle aged woman there getting treatment in my "pod" and she could tell that this was my first treatment, so she lovingly gave me tips on managing some side effects and she had a nice friend with her that sat next to my mom and providing support to for my mom for a bit.

I felt extremely tired and weak, and just walking to the car took all my energy.  I had an immediate headache that was terrible.  The nausea, headache, and lethargy were the worst Monday thru Wednesday.  I barely moved out of bed and took medications relentlessly.  I have no desire for food or the smell of food.  I have had peanut butter on toast and a few smoothies.  I saw the dietitian today and they said to just keep trying what we have been doing.  This is going to be a crazy ride my friends! 

 

 

 

 

I so appreciate any text messages, phone calls, and/or comments on the blog, it is very supporting and it brightens my day.  It may take me a bit to get back to you all or update the blog but know that all of your encouragement is such good medicine for me.  Love you all!