On November 2, 2010 my life changed. I was going for a routine doctor's visit at 9:00 in the morning, which was just a blink on my daily schedule. I was more focused on how many patients I needed to see and what was going on after work. That all changed the moment the doctor began the breast exam on my right breast. As soon as she touched it I knew by the look on her face that this was not going to be good. She found the mass. My first response was a few silent tears and then, "I'm 30, and I have not had kids yet!"
Sean and I were planning the wedding for next September and then immediately trying for children, and now this! I did not have this in my planner and I did not have time for a mass in my breast! My next thoughts went to picturing all the terminally ill cancer patients that I have taken care of over the past five years in hospice. I was in shock that this was even happening.
The doctor initially said that maybe the mass was a cyst and only had a slight risk of being cancer. However, the doctor left the room and was very prompt on getting the nurse to schedule me into a diagnostic imaging group for a mamogram and ultra sound. In my mind I thought,"wow, if this is just a cyst then why is the doctor so intent and quick about me getting these tests done in the next 30 mins." I didn't say anything, I was still in shock and sitting on the exam table with that, oh so fashionable, hospital gown on.
As I left the gynocologist's office she said, "worse case scenerio we will get you connected with a breast surgeon to have the mass removed" I got in my car and drove to the diagnostic imaging building, all while in shock, snot faced crying to Sean and my mom on the phone....sounds safe right. Sean offered to meet me there, I said, "no, I will just be crying while my boob is being smashed in a shelf, just meet me at home." I will say both my mom and Sean handled that crazy call really well. Of all people my mom was very calm and organized with making a plan, that's what she does, that's what she is good at. However, it is expected that Sean was cool and collected, but Carol....this was odd, but oh well, so was this morning.
I walk into the diagnostic imaging building with smeared make-up, red nose, teary eyes, overused tattered tissues and clearly out of place. All the other women were well over 50 years old and not an emotional basket case! I sat in the corner of the waiting room, trying not to make eye contact with anyone and silently in my head trying the positive affirmation,"it will be okay". I probably said that affirmation 200 times before realizing, "oh my god, I am my mother, this is totally the affirmation she would be say!" Funny, but not a real appropriate time to laugh.
The did the ultra sound first in hopes that the mass was a cyst and that this would be obvious and a mamagram would not be needed. Nope. I then had my first mammogram. And let me just say, you hear all of these horrible stories about how they smash your boob and it hurts, blah, blah. Really, Really, please ladies my size D girls were smashed in there with a mass included and it was not horrible at all. So pull up your big girl panties and go get your mammograms!
I had been instructed by the gynecologist to speak with the radiologist before leaving the diagnostic imaging building and she would also speak with the radiologist and call me with a treatment plan later in the afternoon. As I sat down the radiologist promptly said,"it's not a cyst" and I replied, "ok, then what is it". He went on this long conversation filled with medical jargon, which he pauses to say,"do you understand?" I said,"umm yes I work in health care and I got it, now I have some questions for you." I asked if there was a formed wall around the mass and how much of my breast was effected. The radiologist stated that 10-15% of the tissue in my right breast was effected and that there was no formed wall around the mass. He said the good news was that the lymph nodes appear clear. He concluded with,"I have a daughter your age, and if this were her I would tell her to get this taken care of quickly. I know cancer is a scary word, so I am not going to say that, but I can't tell you what this mass is." Awesome! So meet Sean at home and we sit in disbelief until we get a phone call from the gynecologist.
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