Monday, January 31, 2011
Cancer makes me excited for Scrabble and fresh air!
Well, I am feeling really good the past few days! I have even went grocery shopping and took Deacon (our dog) for a small walk when the weather was nice! It was amazing! I hope that the next 4 rounds of chemo allow me to feel this way, because I feel more like the old Ashley. The next 4 rounds of chemo are an entirely different chemo drug, so I have my next treatment next Monday and this will be the first round of that drug. I just pray that it doesn't send me back to square one with the nausea and other side effects. I was planning to go to the gym and utilize the seated bike today, because my feet seem to always hurt, so I thought the bike would put less pressure on my feet. However, our driveway is a sheet of ice and I am waiting for the ice melt to work. The good news to this is that I got outside, took out the trash, and scattered ice melt over the drive, even though it was freezing cold the fresh air was good. So now I sit by the window and play online scrabble and watch for the driveway to de-ice, and the moment it does I am going to try to make it to the gym before the 9-14 inches of snow falls in the next 24 hours! So that is the current and exciting life of Ashley, lol!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
The plan
Well, Monday was Chemo #4, which means I am half way to being done with Chemo!!!!!! Good news, the tumor in my breast measured 1cm smaller horizontally and is softening! Dr. Rabe and I were really happy!
We discussed that this aggressive treatment regime of chemo will most likely eliminate those scattered cells throughout my body and that there will be no need for further chemo after these 8 cycles. I meet with the radiation oncologist in 2 weeks in order to discuss the length, and frequency of my radiation. Radiation will not begin until after my breast surgery. I have an appointment March 14th to meet with my breast surgeon again and set the date for the breast surgery.
If all goes well my last chemo will be at the end of March, I will wait about 3 weeks and then have breast surgery the beginning of April, then wait another 3-4 weeks for wound healing and then beginning radiation.
Yesterday was my last Neulasta shot, so that is also reason for celebration! However, Monday night and Tuesday I was really sick, had hot flashes, and my blood pressure was low, so when I went into get my Neulasta shot they had to give me a bag of fluids.
It has been a bit since I have posted on the blog. I think that I was going through some depressed moods. I continue to struggle with being sick. I hate being weak and in bed. The bone pain makes me feel like an old lady. I go to this healing/support group on Thursday nights, and the patients that attend are of various ages with varying types of cancer. I like the group, but sometimes it is too much. I really struggle with the being sick and weak myself and then there are some patients that are attending the group and they state that they are still working and that they have rarely been sick. It is also hard for me to be around those patients that look like death. The bottom line is is that I am struggling with being a patient and I hate that Sean, my mom, and my girlfriends have to help me so much.
I think the other reason I have had a bit of depressed mood is because I have had to begin focusing on some wedding details lately. I have not even got a dress yet and now I am bald and rarely have any energy, so feeling bridal is really not in the cards these days. So a couple of days that I have felt good I had to go try on some dresses, which has not been the fun experience that most people get to have, oh well! I will try to focus on September when we will have a big party and cancer will not be invited!
We discussed that this aggressive treatment regime of chemo will most likely eliminate those scattered cells throughout my body and that there will be no need for further chemo after these 8 cycles. I meet with the radiation oncologist in 2 weeks in order to discuss the length, and frequency of my radiation. Radiation will not begin until after my breast surgery. I have an appointment March 14th to meet with my breast surgeon again and set the date for the breast surgery.
If all goes well my last chemo will be at the end of March, I will wait about 3 weeks and then have breast surgery the beginning of April, then wait another 3-4 weeks for wound healing and then beginning radiation.
Yesterday was my last Neulasta shot, so that is also reason for celebration! However, Monday night and Tuesday I was really sick, had hot flashes, and my blood pressure was low, so when I went into get my Neulasta shot they had to give me a bag of fluids.
It has been a bit since I have posted on the blog. I think that I was going through some depressed moods. I continue to struggle with being sick. I hate being weak and in bed. The bone pain makes me feel like an old lady. I go to this healing/support group on Thursday nights, and the patients that attend are of various ages with varying types of cancer. I like the group, but sometimes it is too much. I really struggle with the being sick and weak myself and then there are some patients that are attending the group and they state that they are still working and that they have rarely been sick. It is also hard for me to be around those patients that look like death. The bottom line is is that I am struggling with being a patient and I hate that Sean, my mom, and my girlfriends have to help me so much.
I think the other reason I have had a bit of depressed mood is because I have had to begin focusing on some wedding details lately. I have not even got a dress yet and now I am bald and rarely have any energy, so feeling bridal is really not in the cards these days. So a couple of days that I have felt good I had to go try on some dresses, which has not been the fun experience that most people get to have, oh well! I will try to focus on September when we will have a big party and cancer will not be invited!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Good News During Chemo #3
The sound is a little low on the videos, but I want to shout this news out anyway! Monday at chemo was most likely the best day Sean and I have had in this whole journey so far. Dr. Rabe measures the breast tumor before each chemo treatment. The reason for utilizing chemo at this point is not to directly shrink the tumor, it is to "clean up" all the scattered cells. However, it would be a wonderful indirect benefit to chemo if the tumor did shrink. Dr. Rabe measured it on Monday and the breast tumor had shrunk 1 cm vertically and .5 cm horizontally! Sean and I were super pumped, even Dr. Rabe was excited! We were, and still are, so happy! Five more chemos to go and then off to the next battle!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
This past weekend
The weekend before chemo I am at my physical best. Emotionally it is all about preparing for another round of nausea and intense lethargy. However, this past weekend I was able to sit on the couch most of Saturday and Sunday...which was a big deal. I even ran an errand to Walmart with my mother, I begrudgingly utilized the motorized cart. I hated every minute of that damn cart, I hated it because it was undeniable that I was the "sick" person. However, my overly optimistic mother refused to let me wallow in my pity party and reminded me that I was strong enough to get out of the house and even able to run an errand. She was right, I should be happy about that. My mom was such a good mom, and it was evident that she moved effortlessly in her mother role. She was able to cook, clean, and I even allowed her to boss me a bit. It was nice just to have her here. We were able to Skype my little sister and brother-in-law, who are in Germany, and they were able to marvel in my baldness. My amazing neighbors came over, and graciously offered to assist in any way. A couple of my girlfriends came by, and yes Carol was able to feed them...she was so happy she was beside herself! All in all, it was definitely a good weekend!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
May have trouble with order form
I am realizing people may not be able to print order form from blog. We are trying to figure out an alternative or to fix this. We are thinking about a facebook post and/or email as well. Leave me comments on the blog to let me know what is happening or email me at alee_msw@hotmail.com Thanks in advance!
TEAM ASHLEY APPAREL
Team Ashley,
First, we want to say THANK YOU all so much for all the support, kind messages, and offers to help. It is truly appreciated. At this point, Ashley has completed the 2nd of her 8 rounds of chemo! Go Ashley Go!
We are excited to say we have the Team Ashley Apparel and order form up and ready! Please contact Sarah Buchanan if you have any questions.
1. Print the attached order form and place your order!2. Mail completed order form and check to:
Sarah “The Enforcer” Buchanan
409 SW Parkwood Dr
Blue Springs, MO 64014
*Note; Orders are due by Saturday, January 15th. Please email Sarah, senoritabuchanan@gmail.com if you don’t think your order will arrive in Saturday’s mail.
Also, no need to add "The Enforcer" to your check...unless you are looking for someone to boss you around too!
3. Orders may be picked up the week of 2/7. Please specify your pickup location when ordering:-Sarah Buchanan / Blue Springs, MO
-Ashley Lee Bilbrey / Gardner, KS
-Carol Lee / Carthage, MO
- Stacey Jones Stark / Carthage, MO
*Shipping note; Shipping is available! Please add applicable shipping rate per your total:
-up to $50.00 / add $8.00
-over $50.00, up to $100.00 / add $10.00
-over $100.00, up to $200.00 / add $12.00
-over $200.00, up to $400.00 / add $16.00
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Mrs. Bilbrey....but holding out for the big party Sept. 17, 2011
Alright here is the story. As you all know Sean and I were engaged in March, we set the date for September 17, 2011. Then I was diagnosed in November and we questioned the doctors if keeping the date was a good idea. Dr. Rabe informed us that she thought that keeping the date was a good idea because it would give me something to work towards. However, I would most likely not be completed with reconstruction of my breasts nor would my hair be back. Again, not that I am a girlie girl, but the thought of being bald and boobless was less than appealing to me. I am not one of those girls who has sat around and dreamed about my wedding day my whole life, but my god, I would like to feel a tiny ounce of pretty or even feel a tiny ounce like a girl on "The Day".
After discussing things Sean and I decided to keep the date. However, burning bridal magazines right now would seem like a good time for me. I just have not been in the Bride mood lately. Here is a question, how do you get fitted for a bridal gown with NO BOOBS!
Since Sean and I have been together for 5 years now, I have in the past given him a hard time about us being "good partners". I of course mean this but it rattles him a bit to call him my life partner, he says it sound like we are homosexual or something...hehehe. However, in the past month (which seems like a life time) we have been through a roller coaster of emotions and trials and I think I have mentioned this in a couple of other posts, that the silver lining in all of this is that this experience has validated that Sean is my true partner and his support and love has been undeniable. With that being understood we decided why wait! Why wait to make it legal or wait to share with the world what we already know. We decided to have a extremely private, not even our families were here, ceremony in our living room. I have an amazing friendship with my co-worker and his wife who is a pastor and he was willing to marry Sean and I whenever we decided. We had two witnesses and loving vows we shared in the comfort of our very own living room. It was awesome!
Again, with that being said, you all just wait until September 2011! We are going to rock this out like no ones business! We decided that our actual wedding ceremony and reception in September will be, in our opinion, a celebration that together as partners we conquered cancer and together we will be ready to embark on our next journey as husband and wife, life partners!
After discussing things Sean and I decided to keep the date. However, burning bridal magazines right now would seem like a good time for me. I just have not been in the Bride mood lately. Here is a question, how do you get fitted for a bridal gown with NO BOOBS!
Since Sean and I have been together for 5 years now, I have in the past given him a hard time about us being "good partners". I of course mean this but it rattles him a bit to call him my life partner, he says it sound like we are homosexual or something...hehehe. However, in the past month (which seems like a life time) we have been through a roller coaster of emotions and trials and I think I have mentioned this in a couple of other posts, that the silver lining in all of this is that this experience has validated that Sean is my true partner and his support and love has been undeniable. With that being understood we decided why wait! Why wait to make it legal or wait to share with the world what we already know. We decided to have a extremely private, not even our families were here, ceremony in our living room. I have an amazing friendship with my co-worker and his wife who is a pastor and he was willing to marry Sean and I whenever we decided. We had two witnesses and loving vows we shared in the comfort of our very own living room. It was awesome!
Again, with that being said, you all just wait until September 2011! We are going to rock this out like no ones business! We decided that our actual wedding ceremony and reception in September will be, in our opinion, a celebration that together as partners we conquered cancer and together we will be ready to embark on our next journey as husband and wife, life partners!
Its been a minute...sorry
I have not posted something in a bit, sorry about that....its not like I have a busy work or social schedule right now, LOL. Most of my days have been either going to appointments or sleeping/recovering in bed. My energy level is the most noticeable side effect, I just feel like sleeping all the time. And when I sleep it is really deep sleep, and my days in bed are just hard to adjust to over all. My "good days" these days are simple and include maybe sitting in the living room watching a television show or movie, getting my own food from the kitchen, or running a SIMPLE errand. Imagine your life, as busy as we all are, and then imagine going from that to just laying around, not even interested in books, television, nor social interaction....so weird and different but that is my life these days.
I know in my last few posts my "pissed off" attitude was apparent. I discussed some things with my oncologist during my last appointment. I felt like maybe my irritability was more than just normal grief experienced during the emotional roller coaster of being a cancer patient. My irritability was uncharacteristic and other people were beginning to notice it. My oncologist validated my concern and informed me that one of my anti-nausea medications had a steroid in it and I should stop taking it immediately. Oh great I was experiencing "roid rage" along with the other amazing side effects of cancer and treatment, kinda funny huh! Well it wasn't funny at the time, but I am feeling better about the situation, as is everyone else close to me is I am sure.
So my second cycle of chemo was a bit more manageable than the first. I think that Sean and I now know what to expect and which medications work best. My acute sense of smell has been intermittent, which may have been overall better in controlling the nausea. Today is day 7 after my Neulasta shot, and I had requested that the oncologist provide me with pain medication this cycle because the bone pain had been so intense in the first cycle. So today my pain is tolerable with the aid of medication. Here is a stupid story. I was scared to ask the oncologist for pain medication in regards to the bone pain because I thought she might consider me a drug seeker, it is funny to me now, but at the time it was one of my so called rational thoughts. Sarah and Sean keep telling me to take the pain medication to allow myself to rest and heal, I know they are right and I know that the doctor would not even think I am close to a drug seeker, but maybe this was my way of coping with the fact that I even need to rely on medication. Why do I still find it necessary to be strong and do things on my own. Another example, Sarah has to consistently remind me to not go overboard on my "good days". I think that when I am feeling good I don't need my medications and maybe I could run 2 errands, etc. Then I pay the price later. And why is it I can give that same advice to others but cannot get it through my thick skull for my current situation. Side note: the oncologist stated that the Neulasta shot seems to effect younger patients more intensely because they are not accustom to bone pain as much as geriatric patients, ahhh yes another thing to look forward to in our golden years...intense bone pain.
I am going to rest now, but plan to post again today, because I have some more details to fill you in on...like becoming MRS. BILBREY!
I know in my last few posts my "pissed off" attitude was apparent. I discussed some things with my oncologist during my last appointment. I felt like maybe my irritability was more than just normal grief experienced during the emotional roller coaster of being a cancer patient. My irritability was uncharacteristic and other people were beginning to notice it. My oncologist validated my concern and informed me that one of my anti-nausea medications had a steroid in it and I should stop taking it immediately. Oh great I was experiencing "roid rage" along with the other amazing side effects of cancer and treatment, kinda funny huh! Well it wasn't funny at the time, but I am feeling better about the situation, as is everyone else close to me is I am sure.
So my second cycle of chemo was a bit more manageable than the first. I think that Sean and I now know what to expect and which medications work best. My acute sense of smell has been intermittent, which may have been overall better in controlling the nausea. Today is day 7 after my Neulasta shot, and I had requested that the oncologist provide me with pain medication this cycle because the bone pain had been so intense in the first cycle. So today my pain is tolerable with the aid of medication. Here is a stupid story. I was scared to ask the oncologist for pain medication in regards to the bone pain because I thought she might consider me a drug seeker, it is funny to me now, but at the time it was one of my so called rational thoughts. Sarah and Sean keep telling me to take the pain medication to allow myself to rest and heal, I know they are right and I know that the doctor would not even think I am close to a drug seeker, but maybe this was my way of coping with the fact that I even need to rely on medication. Why do I still find it necessary to be strong and do things on my own. Another example, Sarah has to consistently remind me to not go overboard on my "good days". I think that when I am feeling good I don't need my medications and maybe I could run 2 errands, etc. Then I pay the price later. And why is it I can give that same advice to others but cannot get it through my thick skull for my current situation. Side note: the oncologist stated that the Neulasta shot seems to effect younger patients more intensely because they are not accustom to bone pain as much as geriatric patients, ahhh yes another thing to look forward to in our golden years...intense bone pain.
I am going to rest now, but plan to post again today, because I have some more details to fill you in on...like becoming MRS. BILBREY!
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