So my final chemo was on March 21st, my counts were just good enough for me to complete my final round. I was so happy! When the nurses made the announcement to the entire chemo room and presented me with my graduation certificate I had tears of joy streaming down my face! Another great thing happened on my final treatment. I was able to meet one of my other Young Survivor chicas that I had only been communicating with via emails. It was her final chemo treatment that day too. It was awesome to meet her face to face and give her a giant hug! Seeing other young women being strong and beautiful during their treatment definitely encourages me!
Completing chemo seems to have lifted a giant weight of my shoulders as well as Sean's. I know that I have more treatments, trials, and tribulations to conquer. However, there is something about not having to go every other week to prepare your body for the side effects and knowing that you will be weak, and bed bound.
I turned 31 on March 30th and I have never been one who gets too excited for birthdays, however, from now on I will be happy and grateful for the gift of each year of life and I will celebrate accordingly! On my birthday I was feeling emotionally and physically great. Sean took me to a nice dinner and I was even able to enjoy a bottle of wine with him. The best part was that we were able to laugh and get a glimpse of our "normal" life versus our "chemo/cancer" life we have been living the last 5 months. We had a great time, we laughed so much that night! For a bit more celebrating I requested that we all go camping, because I love camping and since being a captive of chemo and indoors for the past months I was yearning to be outside in the fresh air. When I say we went camping, I mean we rented a small cabin. We went to a small little lake outside Kansas City, which was appropriately named Lake Paradise! I am telling you right now it was the best time ever! We had a campfire, yard games, lawn chairs, and music! Our friends were there and of course my brother-in-law Ryan provided ample entertainment. We all laughed until our stomachs and faces hurt. Even on the way home on Sunday Sean and I were laughing hysterically about the whole experience! I really felt like the old Ashley and that for one night I didn't have breast cancer! To everyone that was there, you gave me the best birthday present ever!
Here is the little angel part....as we were sitting by the campfire we had some random other campers stroll by our cabin to say hello. In this group of other campers a girl approached me and asked me if I was Ashley and if I were the one who had breast cancer. She introduced herself as Nikki and that she was exactly one year to the day of completing her chemo for breast cancer. Nikki and her friend went with Lil Bit and I and sat in my cabin and spoke about our journeys. Nikki is an angel because she gave me hope that night. She graciously showed me her scars and gave me tips on "feeling normal". She was honest and open about anything I wanted to ask, oh and the weird thing is that she live in the same city and Lil Bit and she has the same oncologist as I do. Awesome! and what are the odds that we would all be there at the same time! I have another Young Survivor that is inspirational and another support!
So after battling the physiological effects of chemo and the steroids, my oncologist recommended that I seek a psychiatrist and psychologist for more emotional support. I agreed because I felt as though I was losing my mind and the effects of chemo on my brain/moods were not easy to live with. I have been in counseling for a few weeks now and I have really appreciated the support. The psychiatrist has provided me with medications to combat the steroid/chemo effects and the psychologist has allowed me to talk about all the emotions that I am going through. Mainly we have spoke about all the loss I have experience and anticipate losing because of breast cancer. I am feeling better and preparing for the next leg of this journey.
I am scheduled for my double mastectomy and lymph node dissection on April 13th. I have decided to have the plastic surgeon place the skin expanders at that time too, so it is one surgery versus two. I am trying to emotionally prepare for my breast to be gone. When they told me I would lose my hair with chemo, I was devastated. Now I have emotionally progressed to a point were I want to go bald, and I only wear my wig when we go out to were it would be more socially acceptable to wear it. Otherwise, I rock my baldness, I feel like,"Hell yeah I'm bald, I have earned it, going through chemo hell and back, what are ya gonna say!" I DID chemo, and I know I will DO this next step. I am prepared that it will take some emotional work to get comfortable with my body again, but someday I will feel comfortable showing some other young breast cancer patient my scars and telling her, "Hell yeah I did it and so can you!"
