We were at MD Anderson from June 16-21. The oncologist wanted testing done there in order to compare what had been done here in Kansas City. Let me just say that MD Anderson is literally city blocks of a hospital. I was so excited to be apart of such an institution and was so hopeful to have some great care. The hospital is a well oiled machine, they know where you are at and what you are doing at all times. I was scheduled for things all day each day I was there b/c they understood I was an out of state patient that needed to make the most of my time while I was there. I have a whole team assigned to me from oncologist to social worker to even a patient advocate. They did their testing a bit different down there but for the most part they did the same as Kansas City.
I was anxious to meet the oncologist Dr Murray down there, I was just hopeful that we would click and that he would hear me as a 31yo young woman seeking answers and not medical record number 884464. That was my only issue with MD, was that you were asked you medical record number before your name, Sean jokingly said all the patients should just wear jail jumpsuits with our medical record across the front.
I meditated for days prior to our visit to MD, on various subjects, but one was most prevalent. I was meditating on that Dr. Murry would "hear me" as a patient and understand that I want to explore all options conventional and alternative to cancer treatment.
When I met Dr Murray for the first moment I felt like there was a bit of disconnect and that made me a bit worried. He appeared to be a very smart "research" kind of doctor, but that is not what I needed him to understand right now, I am not just another protocol I am Ashley Carol Bilbrey who needed to be HEALED. So as he spoke rapidly with a closed off energy I nodded and listened but then began to meditate and ask that he HEAR me. His assessment and verbal recall of beneficial medications and protocols continued. I told him that I wanted him to discuss fertility with me regardless if I were stage IV or not. I know that for someone with a 5-10 year life expectancy stamped on their life that they should be grieving that, but I was more focused on my ability to harvest eggs and have a gestational carrier. Dr. Murray stated bluntly, as I had asked him to do, that children should be put on the back burner. I was still meditating and asking him to hear me and he continued with a disconnected energy. Then 15 mins into the appointment all of the sudden you could feel the disconnection dissipate and he looked in my eyes rolled his chair up to my face, grabbed my hand and out of no where stated,"I hear you." He then really listened. He agreed to schedule an appointment with the fertility specialist. He hugged me at the end of the appointment, and as he walked out my mom looked at me and said,"What did you do to him?" Sometimes I think she thinks my energy work and meditation could be on the edge of voodoo or something....lol! As my energy healer/spiritual teacher Shani says, "we are all one, I am you, you are me, and we are God", we just have to stop and be open and listen.
His plan as far as the breast cancer with bone mets is to attempt anti-estrogen medications first before chemotherapy. He wanted me to complete testing at MD, they would read the results and then I would return the first of July to determine at treatment plan.
During this time, as if our lives were not filled with enough chaos, our wedding venue called me to inform me that the event space no longer meets city code requirements and that they are trying to decide if the space will be available for our Sept. 17th wedding. Awesome!!!!
Oh and the other amazing occurrence, I hope you sense my sarcasim, is that my left breast expander is deflating despite the saline fills, so I have a right breast that is filling fine and you can actually begin to see it when wearing clothing, and I don't look like a lesbian so much.....still a little bit b/c my hair is way short but not short enough for people to understand that it is growing back and that I didn't cut it this way, but now I only have one breast and a flat left chest. Nothing against lesbians...you know I love a gay....I am just saying that is what is happening to me right now. LOL. So I have an appointment with plastic surgeon anyway to get a fill and we will see what he says.
Oh and right before we left for Houston, our air conditioning unit is on the outs, we may be needing a whole new unit. Really, really....what have we done. We are good people, we try our best, could we please get a fucking ease card somewhere!!!!
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