So the 7th round of chemo went much easier than the previous. The doctor and nurses were prepared with all the right medications in case I had another reaction. They gave me so much medication that I was able to sleep through most of the chemo session. We were still there for most of the day, Sean will never let me go without him again, and he patiently sat with me all day as I was tethered to the chemo pole and sleeping away. I was really tired and emotionally all over the place from the chemo and the steroids. I vacillate between crying and being raging pissed, so Dr.Rabe(oncologist) recommended that I go see a psychiatrist...appointment has been made for March 17th! I know I need to go, I am eager to seek the help. It is torturous to feel the chemical imbalance throughout your mind and body. Now I know what it is like to feel helpless and in so much emotional/mental pain that punching something or cutting would sound like a viable option....don't worry I'm not going to hurt myself or Sean, but this is the only way to explain it.
I continue to have about two days of body aches/pain within the week after receiving chemo, which is no fun, but just another part of this journey. I am focused on the next steps of this journey and that is my last scheduled chemo session on March 21st!
I had blood work done today, as I do every Monday, in order for the doctor to monitor my white blood cell count because if these go to low then chemo will be postponed until my body can withstand chemo again. Unfortunately, we found out that my counts are drastically low and that I have been quarantined to the house and away from people in order to avoid any infections. I had an appointment with the breast surgeon this morning and had to wear a super sexy surgical mask into the hospital, again to avoid contact with germs! I just hope that my body gets things together so I can have chemo on the 21st, I don't want to postpone it, I am ready to move on.
So the appointment with the breast surgeon went well. Dr. Ballanoff is completely confident that she can remove all the cancerous breast tissue and lymph nodes! She told me that I should only have to stay in the hospital one day if all goes well and that she has high regards for my plastic surgeon and radiation oncologist! She asked me how I felt about our fertility options after meeting with the fertility specialist in November. I think about it constantly. We desperately want children and with every chemo treatment I just sit and hope that there is a chance for us after all of this. Sometimes I think you know what Sean and I are good people and we deserve children and I will be crushed if that is a gift that is taken from us. So the next time you want to complain about your children or the daily tasks of life, stop and think what it would be like if you didn't even get the option. Be grateful for life! I told Dr. Ballanoff that in our opinion we will be so blessed to have children, but the other thing that weighs on my mind is that I will be blessed if I am a healthy breast cancer survivor with no recurrences too. I told her that sometimes I just wonder, will there be a day that cancer is not the center of my life, her response was honest, it will be a long time but it will happen. I told her that being 30 years old gives me, hopefully, a long life to worry about having a recurrence, again her response was honest, and she said that was true but if I can make it to the 5 year mark without a recurrence my odds will get better and better. Never thought I would be dealing with this at 30 years old. This journey is shaping my character and allowing me to appreciate things in my life that may have been overlooked a little more otherwise...there are silver linings when you stop and recognize them.
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