Sorry, I am a bit behind, but don't worry Carol (my mom) took the opportunity to let me know that she thinks I need to update my blog more regularly. I'm not going to lie, it may not be too much more regular until I'm done with chemo, but I will try.
So on Feb 22 I had my fifth chemo, and it was rather eventful. It began with me having chemo on Tuesday versus the typical Monday, but the cancer center was too busy and they bumped me to Tuesday. Sean was unable to get off work to take me, therefore Mike (Sean's dad) took me. Since it takes so long for my chemo to drip into my body, I had told Sean that there was no sense in Mike sitting there with me all because it would be so boring for him. Sean was insistent that Mike stay the entire chemo, I think it is because Sean worries about me and wants everything to go as smooth as possible thus causing less anxiety for everyone. However, you know me and my amazingly stubborn ability as a patient, I fought him on the issue. It had nothing to do with Mike keeping me company, I love him and he is so easy to get along with, I just know that an 8 hour day tethered to a chemo pole is not my idea of fun and I didn't want to torture him either.
Mike took me and stayed until the chemo was running fine, my friend Kressy stopped by to smuggle me some soda and chips into the building...just kidding I could eat it she didn't need to smuggle it. The chemo had been running for some time and things were going well. As soon as Mike and Kressy left within about 15-20 mins I began to go into anaphylatic shock. It was awful, however, this is the exact reason that all the cancer patients sit in this giant room to get their chemo treatments. The infusion nurses can monitor a larger number of patients this way, in order to be prepared for adverse reactions. On a whole though there are minimal patients to no patients that suffer with adverse effects, until we all get home and then we deal with the effects.
So all of the sudden I felt really flushed, difficulty breathing, vomiting, and as though I was having a heart attack. The infusion nurses were working on me within seconds and the doctor was paged and they were all surrounding me and working on me. I could talk, and I was shaking as I vomited into this tiny bag contraption. I was scared. They immediately stopped the chemo from dripping into the body and began pushing all kinds of meds from syringes directly in to my port. As I sat there vomiting and unable to talk I kept thinking to myself, "Oh shit, Sean is going to kill me because he told me not to be here by myself!" Then my very next thought was, "if Sean doesn't kill me I am pretty damn sure I am dying right here tethered to a damn chemo pole!" And let me just say that during the chaos of my episode all the other patients were looking at me with that look on their face like, "oh shit, that's girl is having a reaction and two things, its bad and I hope that doesn't happen to me!" It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop! The medical staff were able to get my reaction under control and I passed out sleeping in the chemo chair. I woke a bit later with an uncontrollable feeling to scratch my skin all over, they had started the chemo drip again and I sat up in the chair to plan my attack on itching my skin. As I sat up and pulled my sleeve up I discovered I was COVERED in large hives. Right at this time the nurse happened to glance my way and she ran over and stopped the chemo again in hopes that I would not have another reaction. My eyes were not blood shot the whites of my eye were filled with solid red blood....let me tell you I was a crazy site, no wonder all the patients had those looks on their faces and were not making a sound. Again, they began working on me. I stabilized and they began the chemo again. I was at the cancer center from 9:30AM to 5:00 PM, it was an exhausting day for me. Let's just focus on that I survived.
The steroids and medications that they had to give me during this round definitely effected my emotional well being. I was vacillating between raging pissed to where I wanted to hurt something to uncontrolled crying. I jokingly had told my friend Shelly that if we were able to see each other that she could see me as long as she didn't give me any access to sharp objects! I felt and still do feel like I am losing my mind. The emotions are beyond my control and again I hate that! I think that going to the Young Survivor's Coalition meeting in March will help and I decided to make an appointment with a psychologist who works with a majority of cancer patients. However as the week wore on, my emotions kept get more out of control. I finally called the cancer center and my oncologist gave me a prescription to help. When discussing things with her, she informed me that the emotional mood swings were due to the effects of chemo on my body chemistry, the steroids, and the overall emotions of going through cancer treatment.
To help with my emotional well being I got to spend some amazing time with Lindsay and Sarah and we sat around and talked and had snacks on a Saturday night, the laughter was good medicine! And a little phone psychotherapy from Shelly never hurts, and I even got to see Cora and Kressy too!
During this process it is amazing to know you have some really amazing friends and family who are willing to put their own needs aside in order to support you! In the same thought process, it is amazing that you have some friends and family who you thought would have been more supportive and genuine. I just know that this process make me really appreciate the relationships in my life for what they really are, good or not so good. This also makes me think about how I am as a friend and how I can be encouraging and supporting to others in their time of need. People have made comments about me being strong, but I know I could not get through this rough journey without my amazingly loving, genuine, and supportive friends and family! I will never forget!
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