Its been a minute...sorry

I have not posted something in a bit, sorry about that....its not like I have a busy work or social schedule right now, LOL.  Most of my days have been either going to appointments or sleeping/recovering in bed.  My energy level is the most noticeable side effect, I just feel like sleeping all the time. And when I sleep it is really deep sleep, and my days in bed are just hard to adjust to over all. My "good days" these days are simple and include maybe sitting in the living room watching a television show or movie, getting my own food from the kitchen, or running a SIMPLE errand.  Imagine your life, as busy as we all are, and then imagine going from that to just laying around, not even interested in books, television, nor social interaction....so weird and different but that is my life these days.

I know in my last few posts my "pissed off" attitude was apparent.  I discussed some things with my oncologist during my last appointment.  I felt like maybe my irritability was more than just normal grief experienced during the emotional roller coaster of being a cancer patient.  My irritability was uncharacteristic and other people were beginning to notice it.  My oncologist validated my concern and informed me that one of my anti-nausea medications had a steroid in it and I should stop taking it immediately.  Oh great I was experiencing "roid rage" along with the other amazing side effects of cancer and treatment, kinda funny huh!  Well it wasn't funny at the time, but I am feeling better about the situation, as is everyone else close to me is I am sure. 

So my second cycle of chemo was a bit more manageable than the first.  I think that Sean and I now know what to expect and which medications work best.  My acute sense of smell has been intermittent, which may have been overall better in controlling the nausea.  Today is day 7 after my Neulasta shot, and I had requested that the oncologist provide me with pain medication this cycle because the bone pain had been so intense in the first cycle.  So today my pain is tolerable with the aid of medication. Here is a stupid story.  I was scared to ask the oncologist for pain medication in regards to the bone pain because I thought she might consider me a drug seeker, it is funny to me now, but at the time it was one of my so called rational thoughts. Sarah and Sean keep telling me to take the pain medication to allow myself to rest and heal, I know they are right and I know that the doctor would not even think I am close to a drug seeker, but maybe this was my way of coping with the fact that I even need to rely on medication.  Why do I still find it necessary to be strong and do things on my own.  Another example, Sarah has to consistently remind me to not go overboard on my "good days".  I think that when I am feeling good I don't need my medications and maybe I could run 2 errands, etc.  Then I pay the price later.  And why is it I can give that same advice to others but cannot get it through my thick skull for my current situation.  Side note: the oncologist stated that the Neulasta shot seems to effect younger patients more intensely because they are not accustom to bone pain as much as geriatric patients, ahhh yes another thing to look forward to in our golden years...intense bone pain.

I am going to rest now, but plan to post again today, because I have some more details to fill you in on...like becoming MRS. BILBREY!